I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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