I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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