i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
