seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
