I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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