i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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