separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
