Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
