I'm so fucking centered right now
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
