It's Friday. Sex?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
