my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize