What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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