she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize