I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
