my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
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