dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Randomize
