Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
