I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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