We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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