The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
