I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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