I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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