Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
