dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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