I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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