I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
