so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
