kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Boobs are out for the taking
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
