You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
3pm strippers are depressing
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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