Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
