I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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