Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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