if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
