woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
