Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
