Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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