We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
