Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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