Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
