There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
