i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
