and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I touched a dick in church today
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
