margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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