I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
