I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
