i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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