Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
