Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
