so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
