DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
