from now on my penis is your penis
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We left the knife in your bed.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
