If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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