yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my being single is dangerous.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
