just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
