I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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