i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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