he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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