I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
