My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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