need another drink. this is the easiest way
Umm I'm too high to move.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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