I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
