Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
