Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
