idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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