At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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