I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
40s are totally the cure
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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