I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
