Duck Duck Cougar?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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