I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
