Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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