Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
