its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
