first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
