listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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