Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There r osticjed everywhere
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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