So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
